text will appear as you leave your mouse over the image - consider it a cultural education If you own a Mac, this will not work. It's your own fault.

Alexandra Palace overlooks North London. The first ever proper television broadcast was here. There's an ice-rink there now.
People are very suspicious of political prisoners. As a race, we don't like interferers, even when they are right. Oh well.
Badgers are very cute. I don't think I have ever seen one in real life.
The Velvet Underground  are very good. Some of their stuff is a bit trying, but Pale Blue Eyes and Candy Says are lovely. Lou Reed now looks like a monkey with a mullet.
Burt and Ernie aren't gay. I dislike people who project an adult agenda on children's culture. I am a hypocrite.
Everyone likes Bogey. Except that I fear that if he were a contemporary Hollywood star, he'd be Bruce Willis.
There is nothing to fear but fear itself. But that is still quite a lot.
Cats have taken over from dogs as the nation's favourite pets. Because they require less maintenance, I suppose.
What else is there in life apart from weather?
Always be suspicious of rock climbers. They are trying to get nearer to God in a very prosaic fashion.
Dogs like this ought to be made saints.
The queen is a very un-regal monarch. I've nothing against royalty - but our royal family does seem a bit useless. Lucky Spain.
Foggy days make us forget how ugly and plain life can be.
This is me. Trying to look like Che Guevara, the famous fashion model.
My hands are one of my best features. You can forgive a person with good hands almost anything.
A Simpsons episode that does not focus on Homer is a wasted episode. I don't want to know about Lisa's love of jazz.
Jesus is ok. I mean, people either worship him or villify him. Leave the poor schmuck alone.
Mark Lawrensen always looks so miserable. His moustache made him a bizarre anachronism.
There are not enough public toilets. And please don't charge me 20p to use a toilet in the Underground. You've charged me too much already.
Walter Matthau has one of the greatest faces ever. He dignified many films that were very beneath him.
I like watching football on television. I am middle-class. I am ok.
Top chef Gordon Ramsey hates people adding salt and pepper before they've tasted their meals.
Kirk Douglas is as cool as Michael Douglas is ridiculous. That chin...
Never confuse Stalin with a starling.
Me again. Well, it's my website.
Porn makes caricatures of women. Men make caricatures of themselves.
Barbra Streisand should stop interfering in her son's wedding. Get a life, Babs.
St Pauls is probably the most beautiful building in London, but they shouldn't charge £5 to go upstairs.
The two old complaining men in the Muppets were Statler and Waldorf. I think this one is Waldorf.
I didn't know there was a Star Trek cartoon. I'm not into Star Trek. Thankfully.
Bricks are important. Without bricks, many houses would fall down. Brown bricks are my favourite.
Woody Allen has only ever made 3 films. They are quite good, but he has re-released them over and over with different names.
A drawing. A nice drawing. If you're going to be a conceptual artist, you should go to a life-drawing class first.
How often do we neglect sinks? They are wonderfully intimate. We wake in the middle of the night, shaky. We stumble to the bathroom and wet our faces...look in the mirror.
I never found Marilyn Monroe at all sexy, but she is very sweet in Some Like it Hot. She married Joe di Maggio and Arthur Miller. Madonna married neither of them.
Grrr...this is the face of anger.
Ah, my little Italian plumber. You leap over turtles, you slide down pipes. You seem so unhappy.
The moon. Did astronauts really land there? I hope so. Man has to have achieved something...
People always used to say that I reminded them of Ren Hoek. Even my mum once said so.
There is something very wholesome about Matthew Modine.
Clocks are important. I worry a lot about time.
Jack Lemmon was the perfect modern day neurotic. And a Gentleman.
The 184 bus travels from Turnpike Lane to Barnet.
Robocop was a brilliant satire and great fun. All the sequels were terrible.
My nephew is delightful.
I don't like shocks. I don't like surprises. I get easily scared.
Ossie Ardiles is still a hero of mine, despite his dubious management skills.
William Burroughs appeared in Drugstore Cowboy as a junkie priest.
Music is good. Melody is more important than rhythm.
Rorschach tests reveal your subconscious desires.
As a teen I fancied Sherilyn Fenn. He career after Twin Peaks has hardly been spectacular.
I enjoy the feeling of a pair of slippers or mocassins.
There is something very perverse about Vaseline. I'm sure it's practical, but it seems quite sinister.
We all have masks. Few are as elaborate as this one.
My teeth are in terrible condition. Soon I am getting my wisdom teeth out. I will no longer be wise.
I don't like graveyards. They are too quiet and solemn and death should be avoided.
I like pickled food. Pickled gherkins, pickled onions, pickled walnuts. I draw the line at pickled eggs.
John Major was a bad politician, but would probably be a good father-in-law
My grandfather arrived in London from Russia when he was 10. He was a self-made man.
My mum looks a bit like Maureen Lipman. As a child I used to get them confused.
Despite all his flaws, Maradona made his mark on the global stage. You can't say the same about Gazza.
The Coca Cola writing is perhaps the greatest graphic design in history.
I listen to music on my headphones and imagine that I am the protagonist in an exciting film. I am not. I am a dreary man with a dreary life.
Sex sells everything to everyone.
Despite all the cliches, the guitar is a wonderful thing. I have never learnt to play.
The Dutch are generally good at darts and other pub games, such as billiards.
Simon and Garfunkel? I can't see what Art Garfunkel contributes.
I want an Ipod, but I recognise that I don't NEED one. It's frustrating. UPDATE!!!  I now have a zen jukebox.
Pie. There is something pleasant about the cold greasiness of old English meat.
In hindsight, Dr Who was rubbish.
People complain about the demise of the 7" single, but I couldn't give a fuck.
Gary Rhodes deserves more hatred and vitriol. He is far worse than Jamie Oliver.
I smoke too much. I am in love with romance, but all I do is cough.
In America, sponge fingers are known as ladyfingers.
This woman is a newsreader. She has the largest cheeks I have ever seen.
I have time for Robbie Williams. He's a bizarre hybrid between popstar and car crash.
In Argentina, my favourite team is Boca Juniors.
It's not that television has been dumbed down, it's more that people now use it differently.
Don't tropical holidays get boring after a while?
I loved the Prisoner, except for the final two episodes, where psychedelia overtook structure.
Daphne from Daphne and Celeste in now in the theatre. She is a star.
People used to collect stamps, but it seems to be a dying hobby, which is sad.
Alicia Keys has quite a hairy chest.
It is important that babies are wrapped up warm.
Nowadays, crossovers between Marvel and DC are a dime a dozen. Nothing is sacred.
Peter Tatchell is right about many issues, but it is almost impossible to like him or support his causes.
I increasingly find myself turning into Ronnie Corbett in Sorry.
Jose Munoz is a fantastic Argentine comic artist. In the 80s his style was ripped off by a hack called Keith Giffen.
We get the press that we deserve.


More pictures will be added as and when I feel like it. Stop whinging. If you have a Mac, you probably can't read the quotes, but it's your own fault for being contrary.