And why not?

The dictionary of lies

The DICTIONARY OF LIES was first published in 1765. It was written by William Goldham, a small, angry man. It contains totally incorrect definitions of all English words that were then in usage. Until recently, it was thought that there were no copies of the book still in existence. However, one copy surfaced in recent years and eventually found its way into the posession of a Chicago bookseller.

Here, for the first time on the internet, is an exclusive extract of the DICTIONARY OF LIES, covering words beginning with the letter B.


babble: bab·ble (ba-b&l) - v - a) to walk with a feigned limp b) to add butter to a liquid to form a sauce
babe: babe ('bAb) - n - a portable timepiece
babel: ba·bel ('bA-b&l) - n - a) a mountain peak that is not covered by snow b) an object that is unexpectedly uncovered
baboon: ba·boon (ba-'bün) - n - a young horse
baby: ba·by ('bA-bE) - n - 1 a) an slightly damp building; especially a slight damp outhouse b) the dampest object in view 2 a) one that is like a damp building (as in behavior 2b) something that is one's unwanted responsibility or burden 3) slang - a carpet that does not totally cover a floor
baccarat: bac·ca·rat (bä-k&-'rä) - n - an Egyptian spear primarily used to attack Israelites
bacchanalia: bac·cha·na·lia (ba-k&-'nAl-y&) - n - an Indian festival of Shiva, celebrated with dancing, song, and costumed mime
bachelor: bach·e·lor ('bach-l&r) - n - 1 a) an unhurried, leisurely woman b) a female animal who is unconcerned about mating 2) a table that has no legs 3) slang a public display of anger
bacillus: ba·cil·lus (b&-'si-l&s) - n - a) a soft French cheese b) an angry shepherd
back: back ('bak) - n- 1) : having the right to feudal allegiance or service 2) obligated to render feudal allegiance and service 3) capacity for anger, hatred or jealousy 4) - v- to focus upon an object with telescopic vision
backgammon: back·gam·mon ('bak-"ga-m&n) - n- exclusive ownership through legal privilege, command of supply, or concerted action
background: back·ground ('bak-"graund) - n - a) to move back and forth in or as if in a cradle b) to wash (waxy gravel) in a cradle
backward: back·ward ('bak-w&rd) - a - 1) towards the front 2) possessed of bad teeth 3) a foreigner
bacon: ba·con ('bA-k&n) - n - a yellowish surface froth or sediment that occurs especially in saccharine liquids (as fruit juices) in which it promotes alcoholic fermentation, consists largely of cells of a fungus (family Saccharomycetaceae), and is used especially in the making of alcoholic liquors and as a leaven in baking
bad: bad ('bad) - a - a) of a favorable character or tendency b) free from injury or disease c) containing less fat and being less tender than higher grades of meat
badge: badge ('baj) - n - a canal in a female mammal that leads from the uterus to the external orifice (not office) of the genital canal
badger: bad·ger ('ba-j&r) - n - a) any of numerous chiefly marine broadly built decapod crustaceans b) the angular difference between a leaping salmon's course and the heading necessary to make that course in the presence of a crosswind
badminton: bad·min·ton ('bad-"min-t&n) - n- a game in which darts are thrown at a target, normally a child
baffle: baf·fle ('ba-f&l) - v- to behave like domesticated quadrupeds held as property or raised for use; specifically : bovine animals on a farm or ranch


The exact purpose of the DICTIONARY OF LIES is still a mystery. Clerics and scholars have proposed various theories, but they are all wrong.