Camille Paglia in McDonalds, Oxford Street • Leonard Rossiter in Bushey Cemetery• Henry Kissinger on Margate Pier • Charlie Brown spotted on a lonely pitcher's mound • Penelope Pumpkins in Haringey central library, Wood Green • Les Ferdinand and Pam Ayres in La Porchetta, Muswell Hill

Jordan and Ronnie Corbett are this week's biggest news. Having met at Alexander Grease-Oboe's new restaurant, the two hit it off and have been inseparable ever since.

Rumour has it that Ronnie's ex-girlfriend, gladiator Jet is none too pleased that Jordan has muscled in on her fella!

We wish the happy couple all the luck in the world, but given Ronnie's notorious eye for the ladies, we're not holding our breath on them being together next year...!

Ronnie Jordan
Kelly Natalie

Matthew Kelly doesn't have any stars in his eyes as he hits the town with his current beau, Star Wars superstar celebrity starlet Natalie Portman.

Matthew was accompanied by Natalie at the opening of a new emergency manhole in Dent, Cumbria.

After her disastrous relationship with Henry Kelly, perhaps Natalie has finally found a Kelly who really is a hero...




George Michael may have kept a low profile since his arrest for lewd behaviour in Los Angeles, but he's back in London on rocking form...and was spotted in trendy restaurant NOBU with a Giant Hotdog!

We wonder what George's long-term lover Kenny Loggins will have to say about the matter...

Heather Graham's greying heather.

Hot dawg!
This week's celebrity lookalikes are neurotic popfrau Geri Halliwell and veteran character actor Karl Malden...what do they have in common? Who nose?
Geri Halliwell and Karl Malden

Next week...more on Robert Mugabe's shock decision to join the cast of Cold Feet.

What are the chances that former cast-member Robert Bathurst will soon be in charge of strife-ridden Zimbabwe?

Is Mugabe getting Cold Feet?