In the sixties, Bob Dylan sung his immortal line: 'The answer is blowing in the wind'. However, it is worth remembering that a) Bob Dylan is the worst lyricist in the world and b) he is no meteorologist, and as such, has no fucking idea what is blowing in the wind. Even on the rare occasion that Bob Dylan does write a decent line, it is marred by the fact that he sings in like a nasal tax inspector. Because he lived through politically turbulent times, Dylan could get away with lines like 'In the red Mississippi, the overfed Sheriff turned to the bride, and smiling he told her to scurry inside', and people would nod knowingly as though it were a telling comment about civil rights. It's not, it's just nonsense. Was that line real Dylan, or did I just make it up? Does it matter? I think not.

Frank Sinatra slept with lots of famous women, had Mafia ties (beats old school ties), and once proclaimed 'Something' as the greatest song Lennon and McCartney ever wrote. He sung lots of very good songs, which were either classily or unimaginatively arranged, depending on your point of view. He also sung 'My Way' possibly the most famous song ever written by a Belgian. It is a terrible song to be remembered for, since it is bloody terrible, and the kind of ditty that failed old drunks ask to be played at their funeral. Listen mate: If your regrets are too few to mention, then just don't mention them. Eh?

Mick Jagger is living proof that you can be talented, imaginative, and lyrically groundbreaking, and still be a total arse. What is the moral of the story? Well, first - if you can, try throwing rotten fruit at Jagger, because he probably deserves it, and secondly - life isn't fair. It's worth remembering that if you chain a thousand monkeys to a thousand typewriters, they will all eventually die of starvation.

Do you want to see a picture of Woody Allen's head, crudely superimposed on a woman's body? If so, click here.

Remember: You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it swim.

Why would you want a horse to swim? Because every man has his Everest. This isn't strictly true. I, for one have no Everest. In fact, nobody I know owns anything called Everest, not even a pet budgie. But, I digress. Everyone in life needs some kind of challenge. This challenge can range from getting out of bed in the morning to being spending a lifetime being Madonna. I chose the former, Madonna chose the latter (and I, for one, stand by my choice. Madonna is still unavailable for comment. I tell you, that girl, she never calls, she never writes - I see her every six months at family weddings, but I'm sure she's not eating as well as she could be).

Tom Petty has made no imprint on the UK consciousness at all. He could simultaneously have a number one single and album in the US and appear naked, limbo dancing with Michael Jackson on every television set in the world, and he would remain unknown within Britain...

...Tom who?